Slap and Tickle
by ChottoMatte
Summary: What happens when Axel and Roxas go to a gay bar on accident? Rated M for mentions of yaoi, bondage, twincest, hilarious situations. AkuRoku, SoRiku, fleeting mentions of AkuReno, SoRoku.


A/N- Okay, this story is the ignorant lovechild of my beta and I

**A/N- Okay, this story is the ignorant lovechild of my beta and I. Fun in American World studies- She wrote the prompt and I followed along like a helpless puppy stuck in a roaring river of absolute hilarity. Or something. the prompt:**

_Axel goes to a bar with his friend Roxas, they just don't know it's a gay bar. Must include a fuzzy navel, a slap and tickle, a naughty girlscout, condoms, crossdressers, an apartment (Key card), male strippers, a dance competition, a showdown, waking up, a flashback, whip, and handcuffs._

Here We Go.

"Start a nuclear war! At the gay bar, gay bar, gay baaaar!" Axel sang, loudly and out of tune, as he took his nighttime shower. Friday night, and he had nothing better to do but eat dinner with his parents and whack off to internet porn at 1am.

He got out of his shower-cubicle, wrapped a towel around his (skinny as hell) waist, and used another tow to dry his copious amounts of fire-engine red hair. As he put his towels in the hamper and rummaged in his cupboards for hair gel, he was struck with a brilliant beyond brilliant idea.

Go to a bar. Take Roxas. Get smashed. Have fun. His eyes lit up, and he wondered if his totally midget-y friend would go for it. Maybe that new one downtown? What was it called? Oh yeah.

Slap and Tickle

An hour and a half later and Axel found himself outside Roxas' house, dressed to the nines and throwing pebbles at the boy's window.

After a particularly large rock induced a faint cracking sound, an irate Roxas stuck his head out the window and scream/whispered, "What?! Axel, It's one in the fucking morning!"

Axel giggled like a schoolgirl and replied, "Just let me in. I'll explain." A few moments later, Axel seated himself on Rox's bed and unloaded the master plan. To his ultimate surprise- Roxas said yes.

He took a while to get ready, of course, but was (nearly) as shmexy as Axel when finished. He blonde hair carefully coiffed, his striking eyes perfectly emphasized, he grabbed his coat and headed for the door. They walked down the walk, hopped on Roxas' (brand new) motorcycle, and sped off into the night accompanied by high spirits and the strange cacophony of noises motorcycles tend to make.

The ride from general suburbia to pulsing downtown nightclub scene was a long one, so when Axel was able to finally get off the bike and stretch, he did so. He yawned like a lazy cat and his shirt rose up when he lifted his arms, showcasing his (slightly fuzzy) navel. Flashing fake I.D.s, the pair slipped into the club and took notice of their surroundings. First, there was a heavy haze of smoke obscuring the air that smelled like no legal drug the boys had ever tried. Second- there were men.

Everywhere. Kissing on the dance floor. Fondling each other on the back wall. Even a couple having sex in a- wait. Men? "Oh shit." whispered Axel. "Gay bar." They stole a glance at each other, and slowly tried to back out of the club.

As they neared the door, Roxas' little brother (by 1/2 a minute) Sora walked up to them, toting his 'best friend' Riku. "OHMYGOD. Rooooooxassss!" yelled the (clearly completely stoned ) Sora. "I hic didn't know you were totally, like, hic gay!?"

Evidently drunk as well. Roxas looked astounded. "And you are?" Sora laughed, grabbed Riku's chin, and pulled him down for a soul-sucking kiss. Pulling away, Sora asked, "Enough answer for you?" Roxas merely sputtered, Axel gave Sora an appreciative high five, and Riku left to get more drinks.

Six Sex on the Beach-es later, Axel was seeing everything in a different light. The half naked men were gorgeous, not weird. The two male strippers writhing on stage, Cloud and Sephiroth, were drop dead sexy, and he was pretty sure he needed more booze.

Riku supplied a mysteriously never-ending fountain of alcohol, so Axel retrieved a bottle of Gin and nursed it slowly, as well as the burgeoning erection tapped in his jeans, cause in part by the fact that the twins were having a sexy dance competition on the dance floor.

They danced like the two nearly-nude boys on stage, and whichever twin pulled away first had to pay Riku's considerably large alcohol tab. Axel chuckled and swayed on his barstool, calling out," You should see how real twincest dancing works. Somebody call Reno!" It turns out that Reno actually owns the Slap and Tickle, and was more than happy to take on Axel's challenge.

The two cocky redheads stood back to back, and announced, "Supreme Dance Showdown. The rules are as follows: Whoever comes first loses. No holds barred. No penetration. "The crowd roared. Sora yelled "3...2...1...GOOOOO!"

Axel who had (oddly) always been the more adventurous, tackled his brother to the ground straddled him. A mixture of rape and breakdancing, Axel's style was undoubtedly eclipsed by Reno's slick grace and lack of inhibitions. While Axel targeted the nipples and neck, the first thing Reno did was shove his hand down his twin's pants and attempt to finish him off as soon as possible.

Ten minutes later a huge crowd had formed and the brothers attempted to jerk each other off and kissed while Sora collected the money for bets and Roxas wielded the video camera. the match ended when Axel finally coaxed Reno to climax, whispering dirty promises in his ear and stroking him like mad.

Although the loser, Reno was gracious enough to coerce his brother to orgasm, always having enjoyed the cute noises his closest relative made in the throes of pleasure. "God." Axel said some time later, after signing autographs and taking pictures. "I swear. Sex with Reno is like going down on a girlscout. A naughty, cross-dressing girlscout. Even though this phrase made no sense to Roxas, he filed it under 'Curious things to ask Axel when he's sober.' (not often.) and wondered how frequently the supposedly 'straight' redhead had sex with his twin brother.

Then the night passed quickly, an alcoholic haze covering everything and making him feel like he ruled the world. Axel found himself dragging Roxas to his apartment after coming onto him making a balloon animal out of inflated condoms. He struggled to push the key card into the door because of his complete lack of depth perception. That was the last thing he remembered.

Roxas woke around noon. He was curiously comfortable, the only pain seeming to originate somewhere around his ass. He took stock of his location. Considering the sheer volume of alcohol he vaguely remembered consuming, he wasn't all too surprised with what he saw.

One Axel, whip in hand, still straddling his waist, yet fast asleep. One Riku and one Sora, laying naked and entangled on the couch. One pair handcuffs, successfully chaining him to the bed. He tried to break through the fuzzy, drug-induced barrier around his memories of the previous night, and was horrified with what his mini-flashback showed him.

He didn't know Sora could contort into such interesting positions. Oh well. He closed his eyes, and drifted off to sleep once more.

-fin?-


End file.
